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Taking a Risk – Saying Yes, Saying No

Interesting, as I examine my self-sabotage lately. My old job was coming to an end and a new one beginning- I missed the photo club’s due dates to enter the year-end competitions-not that I would win, but it got me involved in doing something that I love to do-taking pictures and growing in skill and as a person. Other duties were distractions from the club activities and I would have to drop the club anyway because the meetings and outtings and workshops did not fit with my new schedule at the new job. I was very disappointed in myself  for missing the photo-entry deadlines ( I am being so polite with words-i was p****d off at me and the world).

 The closing of the  old place where I worked was a long process as residents were being re-located and few of the promises from other organizations were kept- the whole process was so emotionally draining and I had injured my knee and was stuffing all the wrong food and gaining even more weight on an already overweight body. Not good self care.  I had another job lined up because when we lost ours we had two days to apply for this new one that was offered and it appeared to be what I wanted except that I had to leave two weeks earlier than originally planned but Ihave another job waiting, in fact I started the day after I finished the other one. Aren’t I lucky! (so everyone told me) My part was to just ” go with the flow” and stop being so resistant cause that makes it worse and “align myself with spirit”, and “think positive”,blah, blah, blah . These were the messages that I was telling myself, but  WHY WAS I SO MISERABLE?

I followed other people’s suggestions to go ahead, that  it would be good and I love them for their encouragement BUT I had a big nagging sensation that I was people-pleasing  and  not listening to my intuition. I remembered reading once that self sabotauge can be a good thing when we say no to something that may not be a good choice for us in the long run.

In retrospect, when I was offered the chance of a new job it was too fast of a decision and when told that I got the new job, it was not a yippee! moment and while sitting in training I wanted to get the hell out of there and knew I was going to be very busy with the new job and accountable for planning and implementing a recreation program and surrounded by alot of people – could see some positives but  my dreams were disappearing…it had already been happening for the last few weeks  as I had no energy left for persuing my on-line course in Photography. 

 I wanted to get back into focusing on what I really want and let it manifest rather than ignoring my heart and forcing myself into the flow of this company which is a good company but all-consuming. I called the supervisor over at a break yesterday during training and said that I had been resisting and struggling for weeks but the bottom line is that I felt it just wasn’t a good fit for me and as I answered her Why? and described some feelings that went with job duties, I heard myself saying that that would just drive me crazy-then it was more concrete for me and her and we agreed that I would not stay. What did I feel? RELIEF! 

 Yes, there is some fear. Less secure but to be truthful the new job was only 30 hours a week. It is like I believe in God again, trusting in this outcome more than when I was trying to “fit” my schedule and my personality into the job. I believe that as I focus on what I want I will bring this into my life, that working on “not resisting” was just counter-productive and way too draining; I was only attracting more of what I did NOT want. 

 Finally- after agonizing over this issue for weeks, I made a choice. I followed my intuition. I said no to the job and yes to my dreams.

So…photo for the day? Maybe not a bird…Hmmm…maybe this one…

©Jane Chesebrough

12 responses

  1. Oh Jane….I so admire the path you chose for yourself here. You have released so much resistance, and are really trusting your deepest instincts. Says so much for you ~ and I’m betting will lead you in a wonderful direction. Beautiful photo and so fitting of your sentiments. Best to you – RL

    May 3, 2012 at 2:23 pm

  2. Thank you, Robyn, for your feedback. it is so easy to second-guess my decisions but it feels right. I will take a drive after the weekend and go on a photo shoot.i will be shooting over the weekend too, but closer to home.

    May 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm

  3. Good on you!!!

    May 3, 2012 at 9:33 pm

  4. tedgriffith

    Scary, but what is the pointof being miserable 30 hours a week. There are many things we ‘can’ do, fewer still are those we ‘might’ do, but only one that we are created to do. Hope you find your ‘path’. God Bless.

    May 4, 2012 at 9:44 am

    • I like to think that i am exactly where i am supposed to be even if it does not always feel like it. Thanks for the blessings, may they come back to you as well..

      May 4, 2012 at 10:02 am

  5. I think you did the right thing. You must follow the path/intuition that makes you happy. Life throws curves but it all works out for the good.
    Keep your dreams alive and don’t let anyone or anything steal them from you. Good going Jane!!!

    May 4, 2012 at 9:45 am

    • Thanks David. have a great day!

      May 4, 2012 at 10:01 am

  6. So few people have the courage to act on that inner voice in challenging times like you are going through. Thanks for sharing this – it’s inspiring.

    May 4, 2012 at 12:05 pm

  7. Northern Narratives

    I am happy for you 🙂

    May 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    • H Ha we will see what happens when I run out of money, going for a long drive today.:)

      May 7, 2012 at 9:32 am

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